Dealing with guilt

GUILT AND GRIEF: Placing a loved one in a nursing facility

We understand that one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do, is send your loved one to a frail care home. A conversation you will never really be ready for; but, inevitably will be a necessity. Many senior loved ones are not ready themselves to embark on this new way of life and often have requests and desires that you naturally and lovingly agree to. Sadly, when you and your family can no longer provide the care they need to live their end years with dignity and comfort, the process of moving your loved one into a home creates a myriad of emotions brought on by guilt and heartbreak.

Being a caregiver to your parents comes with an enormous amount of guilt. Trailing behind the guilt is a whirlwind of other emotions; angst, worry, shame, sadness, frustration, anger, and resentment to name a few. We are faced with decisions that we do not want to make but we have to in the best interest of our loved one.

You have not failed to care for your loved one; you are doing the best that you can during this life-changing process. Please remember these important points (see below) during your journey and know that at Brooklyn Care we have the right people to talk to, who can help you walk through this sensitive time.

  1. Acknowledge that your guilt is a natural emotion during this time.
  2. Understand that you are only capable of so much, and now it is time to handover your loved one to a community of caregivers who can help you look after your family member.
  3. Remember, you made this decision because their health and safety was in danger.
  4. Your loved one may have more serious health conditions or need a much higher level of care than is possible for you to provide.
  5. You have not failed to take care of your loved one.
  6. Pick up the phone and talk to friends, family, and caregivers about your concerns and emotions.
  7. Be careful what you promise your loved ones.
  8. Love and care for yourself, by taking time out.
  9. Forgive yourself, you are doing the best you can do.
  10. Don’t compare your journey to anybody else’s.
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